Briana's Op-Ed

I am the single mother of a sixteen month old little boy named Paxton. I have joint custody of him with his father, Kristen. We have a parenting plan that dictates when each parent gets to have parenting time with Paxton. I was named the primary parent in the parenting plan, but little did I know this only meant that I got to claim him on taxes. I think that if one parent spends significantly more time with the child that they should have more say in what goes on in the child’s life.

In the parenting plan we had to decide who would get to make major decisions in Paxton’s life before the age of eighteen. Kristen wanted to have equal say in Paxton’s life as I did even though he hardly saw him. Even when he had the opportunity to come to activities, doctor appointments, and other needs based appointments Kristen never did. Paxton was born with some significant health problems and had to be on a lot of medication from the time he was five days old. Kristen was not ever a part of that. He had no idea what was medically wrong with his son or what was being done about it, and yet he, if he had wanted to, could have fought me on the choices I made about Paxton’s health. 

If Paxton were to get sick now and need treatment and Kristen disagreed with the path I was taking for treatment he could stop the treatment, even though he does not have any interaction with Paxton outside of the seventeen hours a week that he sees him. I think it is ridiculous that parents who are not very involved get any say in things that happen outside of their parenting time. I agree that Kristen should get parenting time with Paxton, and that while he has Paxton he can make day to day decisions and emergency decisions about Paxton’s wellbeing, however I do not feel it is in Paxton’s best interest that his father who is around 816 hours a year, which is about 9.3 percent of the year should have as much say in Paxton’s life as I do.

According to the parenting plan I cannot take Paxton out of the state without Kristen’s permission. I have family out of state and have had opportunities to take Paxton to go meet them but Kristen has denied my requests, even though the vacations would work around his parenting time. I think that as Paxton’s primary care giver that I should have more say in where I get to take Paxton during my parenting time. Although I agree completely with the idea of a parenting plan I feel like those of us who work hard at being good parents are getting the short end of the stick, and it is truly the child who suffers in this situation. Paxton still has not met some of my family due to my inability to travel outside of Montana with him. The parenting plan also states that the relationship between the child and its family outside of the parents should be protected, but for me to fight Kristen on this would mean more time and a lot more money spent on yet another visit to the court room.

I know another single mother that has been with a man in the military for three years, and he was recently transferred to another state. The father of the child is saying that the mother cannot leave with the child to be with her fiancé even though this couple has been together for a substantial amount of time and are engaged to be married, so this case will go to court and a judge will decide if she can be with the man she had planned to marry. I do not feel like the father in this situation should have any say in whether or not the mother gets to take her child as long as the child is going to be well taken care of and would still get to see the opposing parent.

I think that there are some major flaws in child custody. It is my hope that these things will be looked at and that at least certain cases would be looked at differently. In my experience and that of others it seems to really depend on the judge you get and what they think is right. I would hope that one day parents that have their children as much as I do would have a little more say in what their child’s life will be like.