Life Place Essay
Final Draft
02.09.12
Oh The Places I Have Been…
Though Missoula is my “home”, I have always wanted a change— something more. After years of feeling stuck here I decided to try to find things I liked about Missoula. I started getting out more, mostly I spent more time in Missoula’s wilderness. I have grown to love Missoula for its trees, rivers, and mountains. I find solace in getting lost in the wilderness all around us. This town hasn’t always an easy place for me to live. After living here for most of my life the size of Missoula caught up with me. It is far too small to get away with anything. I hate that about Missoula and sometimes, yearn to get away. I used to tell my mother I wanted to live somewhere I could go to the same coffee shop every day and have no one remember me. A place I could disappear into. Missoula has become this in a sense, but in a different way. I can go for a hike and get lost for hours, but there at the end of the day I have those who love me to come home to. I spend a lot of time these days trying to figure out what I want from life. I wonder where my life should take me and where it no longer can, and what kind of life I want to have for my son, Paxton.
When I was little we did not have a TV. My mother was a school teacher and thought that it would be best for us to use our imaginations to keep us entertained rather than movies or TV shows. As a result of this my three siblings and I spent a ton of time on our bikes outside; we would ride all over town. We had favorite trees to climb and often hiked the M or swam in the rivers. When I think back on those times I know that those were some of the best times of my life. These days I don’t feel like I have as much time to be outside as I would like because it is hard to do with a one year old, but before he came I would spend a lot of time in the woods by myself.
My favorite place to hike and to disappear was along the hiking trails of Blue Mountain. As soon as I could drive, I remember taking my dog there to hike. We would go as far as we could, pushing exhaustion and marked trails and then gaze down at the city, and all that we had accomplished. I particularly loved hiking in the winter. I loved the way the trees look with snow lazily tumbling off of them as the sun heated up the forest. So much time would pass as I watched the forest sing. There are so many noises and beautiful things to see up there, like when the sun goes down and the sky is streaked with pinks and oranges above the tree tops. I cannot think of a better place to get lost.
I have continued to hike this mountain side for years. From time to time I would bring a friend or even my friend’s dogs for my dog to play with. On one memorable outing I brought a friend’s two dogs up with us for some exercise. We had barely begun when I realized three dogs was too much for me to handle on my own—they were totally out of control. They were all going in different directions, and all I could see were flashes of black fur every direction I looked. Taking them off of their leashes, I realized, was a bad idea. Finally I got them wrangled up and we all sat looking over Missoula and I thought about what would happen next in my life. I made plans that day to lose control over my situation far less often— thanks to those wily dogs. I knew I needed something to anchor me down. That was the day I decided to go back to school. Without this mountain and its views I don’t know if I would have been able to relax enough to realize that my life was spinning out of control. I am grateful that there are places like that so near Missoula, without them I would probably still be spinning.
Years later I had Paxton. He was born in November so taking him outside was not really an option until warmer months. As Paxton grew older we started to do more activities outside. He loved it. I feel like I have already done something right by Paxton because of this. I feel like today’s youth are being raised to be too technology reliant. It scares me that children would rather play video games or watch TV than go outside and climb trees or ride bikes. Paxton, with me as his mother, will not be that way. I will show him how wonderful the river is to play in on hot summer days. I will teach him about the wildlife that lives in our area and how important it is to protect them. I will make his life better and all I have to do is take him outside and let him be a kid.
I would like to start over as an adult. I want to make exploring nature and taking care of our most basic resources (water, trees, soil, etc.) one of my top priorities. I want to teach Paxton what it means to love and take care of our earth. I want him to be able to stay outside all day in the summer and not complain about not getting to play x box or watch TV. I want to be able to take him to our rivers and not worry about them being too dirty to swim in and enjoy. I know that these things are attainable, but it is up to me to get there. So as the New Year begins so shall I. I am going to put into action all of the things I dream of doing.
I know that it may be bigger than me, that my dream of helping the earth and setting “green” footsteps for Paxton to follow in may not be enough to make a difference. But it is all that I have got for now. Paxton and his future are my driving force behind making Missoula greener. Until I had him I didn’t really care about sustainability, sad but true. I didn’t think it would ever affect me so I didn’t understand why I should care. When Paxton came into my life so many things changed. I have never loved anything like I love him. I cannot imagine his life if it did not have our clear skies, thick forests, and flowing rivers. I started picturing my grandkids and what their lives might look like if I didn’t take action and green up my life. It was grim, and because of that I knew I had to change. I plan on recycling all that I can, walking more than I drive, and conserving and protecting our water. I also would like to join a local garden, a co-op of some sort. Learning to grow the food we eat would not only be a great learning experience but it would be truly empowering. I feel like if I can teach Paxton that those few little things are important and easy to do he will continue to do them throughout his life and, hopefully, he will teach others to do the same.
I still yearn for a change. I still find myself wanting more out of life. However, those times come less and less often as I try to set down more roots. Having my son, and going to school has helped a lot. My life in Missoula becomes more and more bearable as I get older and learn to love it. I am finally content. Missoula may not always be my home, but I’m fairly sure it will always hold a place in my heart for all of the things I have learned while living here, like how to live more sustainably and why it is so important. Paxton helped me see that I need this place that without that spot up on Blue Mountain and other places like it, Missoula would not be what it is today.
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